OK i've no idea why the number in the middle doesn't appear. but i hit 95! it takes luck i think. wait till there're no words with caps. haha.

anyway i wanted to let you all know that recently alot of things have been happening at home. sis in law and bro quarrelling. and my sis in law is very emotionally unstable now. have had to stay up till 5am on two days this week cos of this already. hai. very tiring. its scary to see a person's minds and emotions pushed to the limits. it actually even draws out physical strength that was never apparent.

but don't worry i'm still coping and doing fine. hopefully they'll be ok.

looking at them has really made me rethink marriage. its really scary when one's world is centered around a man. and its even scarier when one's self worth is defined by that man alone. love can do terrible things. seeing the devastation in my sis in law, my parents and i cry for her. hearing the tiredness and frustration in my bro's voice leaves me confused.

somewhere, somehow, something went wrong in their marriage, but i don't know what, how, or who to blame. in fact, can blame really be apportioned? i feel tired and frustrated at all this, and at how this is draining me and keeping me from putting my 100% in preparing for this week's exams. but then what i feel is only a fraction of the full force of the emotions at play here. there's nothing i can do to help but be a silent contributor, helping in whichever small ways i can. helping to keep my sis in law calm, put in my five cents worth of opinion when i can, helping to lighten the atmosphere with my parents so that they won't be so tense, and doing my best to keep my niece away from the mess that is her parents. so far she's still pretty ignorant, so that's good.

though my sis in law n bro are christians, they didn't have a close relationship with God. in a christian marriage it should be a triangle, the man and woman at the bottom, both looking towards God as the guide for their love. but yet all they see now is the fault in each other and the hurt each feels. all i can do is to pray for them. for peace, forgiveness, and above all for the strength and will to salvage what is left, to recover what had been there.

and dearies don't worry about me, i'm feeling alright. just venting here and also to update you all. i'm not going to say the details of their quarrel, as that's their privacy.

its time to go back to studying for tomorrow's paper. life goes on :)